4.29.2012

It's been too long.

Well, it's about to be May.  No joke.  That's kind of insane.  The last four months have FLOWN by.  Here are some updates:

The MRI came back as Lexington having some "very, very, very slight white matter dystrophy", which the neurologist said you could take a picture of his brain and it could look like that.  So it may or may not be a real answer to what is going on.  She has seen a genetic specialist this year, we are waiting to hear back about some blood tests but the specialist did not believe it was anything genetic.  Lexi is in physical & occupational therapy once a week each. We have no official diagnosis. She is definitely always progressing, just at a much slower rate than other children.  With 'normal' kids it's like the stages are 1) rolling over, 2) sitting up 3) army crawling 4) crawling 5) standing 6) walking.  Lexi's has been more like this 1) rolling over 2) rolling around 3) sitting up while holding herself up with her arms 4) sitting up 5) laying on her belly and pushing her head off the ground (big improvement) 6) ... this one hasn't happened yet but we are hoping next... pushing her head off the ground while having her knees tucked under her.  So that's our next goal. You can see it's a slower process.  She hasn't been having any crying fits which is glorious but she has been waking up at between 1 and 4 in the morning to eat.  If you had told me I would have a baby that was 14 months old doing that I would have said no way!  I am all about sleep training, letting them cry it out (though Josh would say I've been easier on her, but hello! she's had so many issues I am not going to let her cry it out if I think it could be pain.  Anyways, she doesn't wake up the same every night, so I don't feel it's habit.  And what she can eat is so limited sometimes I feel like she isn't getting enough (and especially when she hadn't gained any weight at her 1 year appointment, and that when we went back in a month later she had lost a pound, and then 2 weeks later lost another pound...).  So it's still a guessing game.  But I guess all of life is, right?  She's unusually sweet.  It's fun to watch her progress in ways that for other children it's annoying :o)  For example the 'grabby' stage.  She does it so delicately, when I am holding her and we're in the kitchen and she grabs some things it's pretty funny for the most part.  Lex has feathery white blonde hair and bright blue eyes, and pale pink skin.  it's really kind of irresistible.

So update about the family, after about 8 months of waiting, Josh finally got a promotion we had been hoping for!  It's been really great in alot of ways.  He is enjoying his work more as Director of Operations and is more mentally stimulated at work which is great!  The sad news is we had to move away from the city we lived in for the last 2 years (I can't believe it's been that long!).  But on the upside, we LOVE the new home we are renting!  It's open and airy and just exactly what the doctor ordered.  I can truly say this is the first time in all of our moves I have been super proactive about unpacking (ok, as proactive as seems possible with 2 wee ones running around and having to still cook/clean/get to therapy).  We really feel like it's a home and not just a place we are living.  We are out in the BOONIES.  But it's kind of awesome (minus the lack of cell phone coverage).  It's East of Dallas, and it's fascinating there is a large city Mesquite and then the metropolis just kind of drops off and you are in rolling hills and we live in this small city.   It has a Walmart, and a Chilli's, some fast food restaurants, a couple of Mexican restaurants, a different grocery store and that's about it.  So far, I love it.  We are close enough to the main city to get conveniences (Costco, In'n Out, therapy & malls) but we get to feel a bit more country.  The best part?  Josh can literally get to work within 15 minutes!!  Goodbye hour long commute!!!!!!!!!  So awesome.  We miss our Rockies, and hope to get back to them (whether on the Wasatch front side, or the Colorado side just depends wherever we can get a job) one day ... but for now, we are enjoying where we are.

Jacer!  What can I say about him?  He is tender, emotional, loving, sweet, prone to outbursts of frustration and then wanting you to hold him.  He is SUCH a boy, ALL boy, he roars at everything, loves sticks and bugs (which we have Grandpa Dan to thank for that one.  Literally when we go on a family walk he tries to stop at each and every rolly polly.  And sometimes when he's in the back yard he'll have 3 or 4 crawling on his hands at once), LOVES trains and cars and trucks.  It is funny how innate these things are for him.  He is starting to say funny things so I wanted to start to do a better job at writing them down.  So in October I rented a book from the library, "three little ghosties" ... it's a fabulous book and it was his first 'big boy book' he would just sit and listen to.  (one that had actual paper pages, rather than the thick board books). Anyways, fast forward, didn't return to the library, we move, we're reading the same 4 books we've unpacked, I get sick of it so I look for some more, get this one out, it used to be his fav, ya know?  WELP, maybe I had a mom fail moment?  Bc last night Jace had been hanging out in bed for like 40 min, I honestly thought he was asleep, and he came out to where Josh and I were unpacking.  He said there were ghosts in his room.  I swear he was more 'pretending' to be scared than actually being scared.  So he would point 'at the ghost', and in the book the little boy said BOO! and the ghosts got scared, so Jace and said Boo to the imaginary ghosts like 10 different times and he was giggling.  Seriously, he was SO faking.  So really it wasn't a mom fail moment, bc even this morning he wanted me to read the book again.  Anyways he had a pretty deep scrape off of skin, about the size of a nickel, on the top of his foot.  No idea how he got it, but in the back of the car driving home one day he said "Mom, I want to take my owie off" ... how cute is that?!  And don't we all wish we could!

Finally there is me.  "I wanna talk about ME, I wanna talk about I, I wanna talk about be number one oh me oh my."  If you don't listen to country than you don't get it.  Anyways, moving on, the most pressing matter is that my wonderful, amazing sisterly Devany is coming into town in 3 weeks from this last Friday, and then we are running a Spartan race!!  Intense, nerve racking, and exciting.  I think it'll be great for us to do together and it'll be by far the hardest physical thing I have ever done.  But I have enjoyed having a goal to train for, and enjoyed working out hard.  I was off track a bit with the move but I have jumped right back in.  I'll be a little sad when it's over.  Then Josh and I have a BUSY June ... but I'll leave that for a different update.

Love you all.  Miss you all as well.
- The Martin clan

P.S. While all of our moving was happening, my parents ALSO moved to Arizona.  They are just settling in as well, and we miss them greatly here - but we are so thankful for technology where we can skype with them regularly!  Even with that though, I know my mom aches to hold little Lexi.

1.01.2012

2011

Now that 2011 is over, I can stop holding my breath.  I felt like all around us there was heartache and sorrow.  I will start with the good that 2011 brought us.  I usually save the best for last, but I am going to break my rule on this one.

First - and best of all - 2011 brought Lexington Nicole Martin.  She is the sweetest, most tender baby anyone could possibly ask for.  She is beautiful, and cuddly.  Anyone that knows me, knows that I love that she is cuddly.  Her pink soft skin, the way her eyes shut when she smiles so big, how she has a dimple just to the right of her lip ... are all just a little bit of what make her so special.  The best is when she just cuddles her face into my neck and snuggles up close.  Nothing could be more special!

My parents moved just 15 minutes away from us, and I cannot explain in words what a help they have been this year.  The countless times they have watched our child/children while I a) sleep, b) horseback ride c)date night d)clean (ok we all know this didn't happen too often) or e) (and most commonly) go to a doctors appointment.  Thank you Mom & Dad!!!

Next comes the Johnson family, specifically Anna Johnson.  I will always be grateful for 2011 for introducing his wonderful woman to me!  We truly are kindred spirits.  We have so many of the same opinions, interests, likes, dislikes, wants, goals, ... and we both like horses.  No but really, we have the same taste in clothing, decorations, we both want to learn sign language and we both have SUPER energetic children.  It's a little freaky sometimes when one of says "oh I have always wanted to do this" or "I like that" and the other always replies, me too!  It's become our joke.  

Benjamin Blue - our sweet nephew was born!

My brother Daniel married a wonderful woman who seems to be a perfect match for him!  Their wedding brought us to our #1 vacation spot (Vail) and we loved being around all the family!!

What might be the final exciting update for 2011 is that my BFFE  Shaelise Tandy was married to one of the best guys around!!  It was so fun to be apart of such a GORGEOUS wedding (read, wish I could re-do mine!) The bride could not have been more beautiful, the wedding could not have been more to her taste and style, and it was all a blast!  (Plus I LOVED dancing with Chuck!  Father-of-the-bride)

Some invigorating news about Lexi!  (details in the VERY large, 2nd to last paragraph from the bottom)

Now the following list is to translate a bit of the year.  Please do not read into this for a desire for sympathy, or a un-thankfulness of all that we do have to be grateful for.  We are so glad Josh has an income, that we have good health and that Jace is talking more and more everyday.  But we've had a hard year, so have many of our close friends, and I want to acknowledge that here.

The biggest heartbreak of this year was loosing my cousin Matthew.  He was the kind of guy that was 'jolly' ... always had a smile, a big hug, and could chat all night.  And we all know how I love to chat!  He was a cousin I always looked forward to seeing at the large family reunions, and I was so bummed when I didn't see him at the big reunion in Angel Fire last year.  He passed away in January, and with me being so close to Lexi's due date, I was not able to attend the funeral.  I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ my life to know about the plan of eternal families.  That I will see Matthew again, that he will be Uncle Kieran's son forever, and that when I do see him - I'll get one more big, all-encircling hug.

On top of loosing Matthew, I had a high-school friend die.  One that admittedly I was not super close with, but that I had hugged on many occasions, whose family I know well, and are family friends through our Church in California.  Josh and I also had close friend of ours that lost a sister this year in a sudden accident, another close friend whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010 (and beat it in 2011, so maybe that should be in the good news part!), and very close friend (our old neighbors who we miss so much!) whose mother was emitted into the hospital, had to receive a heart transplant!, and was in the hospital for over 6 months!  And that same friend having multiple miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that ended in having one of her ovaries removed.  Another friend who spent three months in a hospital bed keeping her baby in safe.  Another friend who had a 'crash c-section' to deliver her baby!  (again, with these two stories the silver lining is that both babies were ok!)  I vividly remember having a conversation with Josh that I felt like we were some sort of bad luck charm to those around us, haha.  Not funny haha, but weird haha.

I can say one of the hardest things about 2011 was that I was further from the Lord than I have been in a long time - possibly ever.  When I am pregnant I get so sick, and it makes me worthless bc I don't do anything but lay there, and therefore I get a bit depressed.  I feel like that depression, coupled with inexplicable anger, has been hanging over me all year.  I, of course, have my ups & downs, and push through it, but it took me a long time to over-come those feelings and take the actions necessary to feel the His presence close.  I can say I am in a healthy habit of scripture reading, personal prayers, and teaching the Gospel to my family - Jace in particular.
A side note - One of my favorite 'kid' stories this year is when the grocery clerk asked Jace what his name was about 2 weeks ago, Jace replied "Jesus!" with exuberance.  And the clerk said "whaaats your name?" and I said "Jace, what's your name" and he said "Jesus!"  I happened about 3 times, until he finally gave in and admitted his name was Jace.

Finally I want to talk about our dear Lexington Nicole Martin.  She has been the best, hardest, most worth it 'thing' that has ever happened to me.  As I explained before she is the sweetest, most loving baby ever.  But boy has she been a combo of hard & easy.  I am a lucky 'mom' in the sense I don't mind hearing my baby cry.  I know some moms can't stand it, and it kills them to even shower if they know their baby is crying.  I don't feel that way.  And to be honest, Lexi didn't cry much throughout the day, but from about 2 weeks old she always had a 'colicky' time.  I thought she would out-grow it, and at first it was only about 20 minutes of screaming and whaling where nothing would soothe her.  You have to understand the rest of the day she didn't make a peep!  She would be content on the floor with one toy for an hour!  She put herself on a schedule and slept 8 hours a night by about 3 months old.  (Unfortunately those 8 hours were from 8pm to 4am!)  But as she got older there were things that we started to worry about.  She cried for an hour a day.  Literally, almost nothing would make her better, and unfortunately Josh got the brunt of it because it was usually when I was making dinner.  At first it was bearable, and then it becomes so hard because you can't even speak to each other because your new-born is now 6 months old and has more vocal cord strength! We still don't know if the two issues are related or not, but we are closer to helping and figuring out both!  With the crying, screaming, belly aching we tried me going dairy-free (I was nursing at the time), we tried colic medicine which we thought helped some, but not perfect.  We (I) finally stopped nursing her, gave her special formula for sensitivity to cow's milk, and have kept her gluten free.  It has made a huge improvement with her crying.  She now just gets fussy at times, and she has some times where her stomach gets ROCK hard but the screaming has stopped.  I mean of course there are times where she still cries, but no more screaming!!  Also, we started to worry developmentally - at 2 or 3 months she still wasn't smiling much, not interacting much with our face.  She wasn't following objects as well with her vision.  And she wasn't sitting on her own at 7 months, (and now at 11 months can only do so for about a minute or two)  As far as her developmental delays, we have worked with our pediatrician - who is quirky but we love - and done what we can to help it from all angles.  She has seen a chiropractor, gone to an occupational therapist, seen an pediatric opthamologist, and a pediatric neurologist.  We finally decided to do an MRI of the Lexi's brain, which she received two days after Christmas.  We had some news back this last week that is both nerve racking and invigorating.  There was some very, very, very mild white matter dystrophy.  To be honest, I don't know details.  I have an appointment with Lexi's doctor on Tuesday, so this post is some-what of a cliff-hanger.  But he did say that with early intervention of occupational and physical therapy she should make a full recovery and have no life-long affects.  That's the invigorating part!  For 11 months I have wondered what was going on with my sweet child.  Days where I thought nothing was wrong (developmentally speaking), and days where I was positive that there was.  She is still like that.  Days where she is very interactive, and days where she is very withdrawn.  It's been the largest roller-coaster of my life.  Forget hard relationships, forget financial worries, I am sure all parents would agree the lively-hood of your child is ones greatest worry.  Most even non-parents would agree I bet.  So to have hard evidence, to know what I am fighting, what the 'enemy' is and to now go in to the doctor and create a plan of action.  That is so INVIGORATING!  And if I could put that part back up on the good list, I would.  In fact, I think I'll add it now!

This is my way of updating all of our family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and random strangers on the internet of the workings of our family.  Please excuse my lack-luster performance as a friend this year.  One of my goals this year is to turn outwardly, and help other that are having just a hard of time, or worse time, than I am.  Again, I do know all I have to be grateful for, and I really AM!  Jace could not be a brighter light in our home!  What I am also saying is I am VERY grateful for a new year, to be hear to have the chance to start over, start fresh and I am grateful for the gift of my family to do it with me.  I am taking the leap into 2012 (a leap year!  An olympic year!) as an exciting one!  With much hope in my heart for a less heartache.