Now that 2011 is over, I can stop holding my breath. I felt like all around us there was heartache and sorrow. I will start with the good that 2011 brought us. I usually save the best for last, but I am going to break my rule on this one.
First - and best of all - 2011 brought Lexington Nicole Martin. She is the sweetest, most tender baby anyone could possibly ask for. She is beautiful, and cuddly. Anyone that knows me, knows that I love that she is cuddly. Her pink soft skin, the way her eyes shut when she smiles so big, how she has a dimple just to the right of her lip ... are all just a little bit of what make her so special. The best is when she just cuddles her face into my neck and snuggles up close. Nothing could be more special!
My parents moved just 15 minutes away from us, and I cannot explain in words what a help they have been this year. The countless times they have watched our child/children while I a) sleep, b) horseback ride c)date night d)clean (ok we all know this didn't happen too often) or e) (and most commonly) go to a doctors appointment. Thank you Mom & Dad!!!
Next comes the Johnson family, specifically Anna Johnson. I will always be grateful for 2011 for introducing his wonderful woman to me! We truly are kindred spirits. We have so many of the same opinions, interests, likes, dislikes, wants, goals, ... and we both like horses. No but really, we have the same taste in clothing, decorations, we both want to learn sign language and we both have SUPER energetic children. It's a little freaky sometimes when one of says "oh I have always wanted to do this" or "I like that" and the other always replies, me too! It's become our joke.
Benjamin Blue - our sweet nephew was born!
My brother Daniel married a wonderful woman who seems to be a perfect match for him! Their wedding brought us to our #1 vacation spot (Vail) and we loved being around all the family!!
What might be the final exciting update for 2011 is that my BFFE Shaelise Tandy was married to one of the best guys around!! It was so fun to be apart of such a GORGEOUS wedding (read, wish I could re-do mine!) The bride could not have been more beautiful, the wedding could not have been more to her taste and style, and it was all a blast! (Plus I LOVED dancing with Chuck! Father-of-the-bride)
Some invigorating news about Lexi! (details in the VERY large, 2nd to last paragraph from the bottom)
Now the following list is to translate a bit of the year. Please do not read into this for a desire for sympathy, or a un-thankfulness of all that we do have to be grateful for. We are so glad Josh has an income, that we have good health and that Jace is talking more and more everyday. But we've had a hard year, so have many of our close friends, and I want to acknowledge that here.
The biggest heartbreak of this year was loosing my cousin Matthew. He was the kind of guy that was 'jolly' ... always had a smile, a big hug, and could chat all night. And we all know how I love to chat! He was a cousin I always looked forward to seeing at the large family reunions, and I was so bummed when I didn't see him at the big reunion in Angel Fire last year. He passed away in January, and with me being so close to Lexi's due date, I was not able to attend the funeral. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ my life to know about the plan of eternal families. That I will see Matthew again, that he will be Uncle Kieran's son forever, and that when I do see him - I'll get one more big, all-encircling hug.
On top of loosing Matthew, I had a high-school friend die. One that admittedly I was not super close with, but that I had hugged on many occasions, whose family I know well, and are family friends through our Church in California. Josh and I also had close friend of ours that lost a sister this year in a sudden accident, another close friend whose mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010 (and beat it in 2011, so maybe that should be in the good news part!), and very close friend (our old neighbors who we miss so much!) whose mother was emitted into the hospital, had to receive a heart transplant!, and was in the hospital for over 6 months! And that same friend having multiple miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy that ended in having one of her ovaries removed. Another friend who spent three months in a hospital bed keeping her baby in safe. Another friend who had a 'crash c-section' to deliver her baby! (again, with these two stories the silver lining is that both babies were ok!) I vividly remember having a conversation with Josh that I felt like we were some sort of bad luck charm to those around us, haha. Not funny haha, but weird haha.
I can say one of the hardest things about 2011 was that I was further from the Lord than I have been in a long time - possibly ever. When I am pregnant I get so sick, and it makes me worthless bc I don't do anything but lay there, and therefore I get a bit depressed. I feel like that depression, coupled with inexplicable anger, has been hanging over me all year. I, of course, have my ups & downs, and push through it, but it took me a long time to over-come those feelings and take the actions necessary to feel the His presence close. I can say I am in a healthy habit of scripture reading, personal prayers, and teaching the Gospel to my family - Jace in particular.
A side note - One of my favorite 'kid' stories this year is when the grocery clerk asked Jace what his name was about 2 weeks ago, Jace replied "Jesus!" with exuberance. And the clerk said "whaaats your name?" and I said "Jace, what's your name" and he said "Jesus!" I happened about 3 times, until he finally gave in and admitted his name was Jace.
Finally I want to talk about our dear Lexington Nicole Martin. She has been the best, hardest, most worth it 'thing' that has ever happened to me. As I explained before she is the sweetest, most loving baby ever. But boy has she been a combo of hard & easy. I am a lucky 'mom' in the sense I don't mind hearing my baby cry. I know some moms can't stand it, and it kills them to even shower if they know their baby is crying. I don't feel that way. And to be honest, Lexi didn't cry much throughout the day, but from about 2 weeks old she always had a 'colicky' time. I thought she would out-grow it, and at first it was only about 20 minutes of screaming and whaling where nothing would soothe her. You have to understand the rest of the day she didn't make a peep! She would be content on the floor with one toy for an hour! She put herself on a schedule and slept 8 hours a night by about 3 months old. (Unfortunately those 8 hours were from 8pm to 4am!) But as she got older there were things that we started to worry about. She cried for an hour a day. Literally, almost nothing would make her better, and unfortunately Josh got the brunt of it because it was usually when I was making dinner. At first it was bearable, and then it becomes so hard because you can't even speak to each other because your new-born is now 6 months old and has more vocal cord strength! We still don't know if the two issues are related or not, but we are closer to helping and figuring out both! With the crying, screaming, belly aching we tried me going dairy-free (I was nursing at the time), we tried colic medicine which we thought helped some, but not perfect. We (I) finally stopped nursing her, gave her special formula for sensitivity to cow's milk, and have kept her gluten free. It has made a huge improvement with her crying. She now just gets fussy at times, and she has some times where her stomach gets ROCK hard but the screaming has stopped. I mean of course there are times where she still cries, but no more screaming!! Also, we started to worry developmentally - at 2 or 3 months she still wasn't smiling much, not interacting much with our face. She wasn't following objects as well with her vision. And she wasn't sitting on her own at 7 months, (and now at 11 months can only do so for about a minute or two) As far as her developmental delays, we have worked with our pediatrician - who is quirky but we love - and done what we can to help it from all angles. She has seen a chiropractor, gone to an occupational therapist, seen an pediatric opthamologist, and a pediatric neurologist. We finally decided to do an MRI of the Lexi's brain, which she received two days after Christmas. We had some news back this last week that is both nerve racking and invigorating. There was some very, very, very mild white matter dystrophy. To be honest, I don't know details. I have an appointment with Lexi's doctor on Tuesday, so this post is some-what of a cliff-hanger. But he did say that with early intervention of occupational and physical therapy she should make a full recovery and have no life-long affects. That's the invigorating part! For 11 months I have wondered what was going on with my sweet child. Days where I thought nothing was wrong (developmentally speaking), and days where I was positive that there was. She is still like that. Days where she is very interactive, and days where she is very withdrawn. It's been the largest roller-coaster of my life. Forget hard relationships, forget financial worries, I am sure all parents would agree the lively-hood of your child is ones greatest worry. Most even non-parents would agree I bet. So to have hard evidence, to know what I am fighting, what the 'enemy' is and to now go in to the doctor and create a plan of action. That is so INVIGORATING! And if I could put that part back up on the good list, I would. In fact, I think I'll add it now!
This is my way of updating all of our family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and random strangers on the internet of the workings of our family. Please excuse my lack-luster performance as a friend this year. One of my goals this year is to turn outwardly, and help other that are having just a hard of time, or worse time, than I am. Again, I do know all I have to be grateful for, and I really AM! Jace could not be a brighter light in our home! What I am also saying is I am VERY grateful for a new year, to be hear to have the chance to start over, start fresh and I am grateful for the gift of my family to do it with me. I am taking the leap into 2012 (a leap year! An olympic year!) as an exciting one! With much hope in my heart for a less heartache.
